A WIDOW'S PROMISE: THEY WILL KNOW YOU

Grandchild: I loved you before I knew you.

As the sun dips below the horizon, painting the Arizona sky in hues of gold, pink, and lavender, I find myself alone with my thoughts. I can’t help but think of you. There is a certain magic in the way memories can light up the heart, even when the one who created those memories is no longer here. The walls, once alive with your laughter, now echo only the soft murmur of memories. I sit by the window, where the light is just enough to see the delicate lines of your photograph, a timeless snapshot of the man I loved so deeply. It’s been 15 years this month and your absence feels both like an eternity and the blink of an eye. There are so many moments, so many precious experiences, that I wish you could share with me—especially with the two little souls who have come into this world since you’ve been gone. Our grandchildren  -  I smile, remembering the way your eyes would light up when you spoke of them, even though they were only a dream in your heart. So I will try my best to piece together the fragments of a life that has always been a part of their story, yet remains just out of reach.

You would have been so proud of them, each one a unique reflection of the love we shared. Their laughter is the purest melody, a joy that fills the air with a warmth that reminds me of you. They have your eyes, you know—the same spark that once made the world seem brighter, full of endless possibilities. And their smiles, oh, how they could light up the darkest room, just like yours always did.

Shia, now two years old, is a whirlwind of energy and curiosity. His laughter, bright and unrestrained, echoes through the halls of our home, filling the spaces where your voice once resonated. He would have adored you, clung to your leg with all the fierce love a toddler can muster. He would have followed you everywhere, his little hand nestled in yours.

Ryleigh, a tender three month old, still new to this world, still discovering the rhythm of life, his wide eyes full of wonder. When he gazes up at me, I see the vast potential of his future, the endless possibilities that await him. His tiny fingers grasp at the air, as if searching for something—or someone—that he cannot see but somehow knows should be there. You should be here, to hold him close, to watch him grow, to share in the joy of these fleeting, precious moments.

But even though you’re not here in body, I promise you that your presence will be felt in every corner of their lives. I will be your voice, your storyteller, your living memory. I will ensure that they know the man who would have been their guiding star, their hero in the small moments as much as the grand.

I’ll tell them how you would have rocked them to sleep with that deep, soothing voice of yours, humming the tunes that brought comfort to our children and to my own restless heart so many times. They would have fallen asleep on your chest, the steady rhythm of your heartbeat lulling them into peaceful dreams. You would have been there for their first smile, first word, first step, those precious milestones that I now witness alone. But I’ll share them with you in my heart, and through me, you will be a part of them, too.

You were meant to be here to be a part of their lives in all the ways I know you would have cherished. You were meant to be here to tell them stories of adventure and courage; to show them what it means to live life with a heart full of kindness and a spirit unafraid to soar. I can picture it so clearly—your voice filling the room as you regale them with tales of your younger days; the twinkle in your eye as you teach them the art of laughter, and that special brand of humor that was uniquely yours.

You would have been their greatest teacher, the one who could explain the mysteries of life with a patience and passion that only you possessed. I’ll tell them about how their grandfather could turn even the most complex ideas into simple truths; how he believed that the world was an open book, waiting to be read.

There’s so much I want them to know, so much of you that I want to preserve in their hearts. I’ll tell them about the man who filled my life with joy, who loved with a heart so big it encompassed the world. I’ll tell them how you could light up a room with your presence, how your laughter was a melody that brought happiness to all who heard it.

I will not shy away from sharing the quiet, tender moments that made our love so special—the way you would hold me close as we watched the sunset from the back patio and dreamed of a life we would build; how you whispered sweet nothings that made me feel like the most cherished woman in the world. I’ll tell them how you were my rock, my safehaven, the one who stood by me through every storm. These are the qualities I hope to pass on to them, the lessons I’ll teach them in your absence - to love deeply, to live fully, and to always find joy in the simple things.

I’ll tell them how you would have been the kind of grandfather who never tired of playing, who would have gotten down on the floor to build towers of blocks, only to let them knock them down with glee. You would have taken them outside, hand in hand, exploring the wonders of the world with a patience and enthusiasm that knew no bounds. Your gentle hand guiding their tiny ones, catching ladybugs and digging for wiggly worms; plucking and tasting summer’s first tomatoes from the garden; pointing out the flowers in bloom, and the clouds that drift lazily across the sky. You would teach them how to save and nurse an injured bird and show kindness to God’s little creatures. You would have made every ordinary day extraordinary, filled with laughter and discovery.

And oh, how you loved music! I’ll play your favorite songs for them, teach them the lyrics you loved, and we’ll dance around the living room just like we used to. I’ll tell them how music was your way of expressing all the emotions that words couldn’t capture, how you believed that a song could heal the soul, lift the spirit, and bring people together in a way nothing else could. They will know and learn to play Captain Midnite, your prized guitar that kept you company on many lonely moments before we met.

And then there’s your kindness, that gentle soul of yours that touched everyone who crossed your path. Our children have inherited that too, you know. They’re generous with their love, always ready to share, always thinking of others. Now, they get to pass that on to Shia and Ryleigh. It’s something I will nurture in them, reminding them that their grandfather was a man who lived with a heart wide open, who believed that kindness was the truest measure of a person. I’ll tell them about the countless times you went out of your way to help someone in need, often without them even knowing, because you never sought recognition—just the quiet satisfaction of knowing you’d made someone’s day a little brighter.

I’ll tell them about your loyalty, how you stood by your friends and family through thick and thin; how you believed in the strength of love and the importance of staying true to one’s word. I’ll show them how to live with integrity, just as you did, teaching them that a life well-lived is one where we are kind, loving, and true to ourselves and others.

We’ll look at photographs, and I’ll tell them the tales behind each one, so that they can see you not just as a figure in a frame, but as the vibrant, loving man you were.

As they grow older, I’ll make sure they understand the depth of your love for them, even though you never had the chance to hold them in your arms. They will know that you were a man who dreamed of their future; who would have given anything to be here to guide them, to watch them blossom. I’ll tell them that you live on in them, in their smiles, in their laughter, in the way they bring light into this world just as you did.

And one day, when they’re ready, I’ll take them to the places we loved, the spots where we made our most treasured memories as I did with their Mom and uncle – the spot at Luna Lake in Alpine where you fished with your Grandpa every summer when you were a little boy;  Monterey, a place that you loved and we now cherish; the slopes in Flagstaff where you loved to ski; the church where we got married, the railroad park that gave many happy memories to our kids; our favorite hiking trails and camp sites, and many more. These will be the places where they’ll feel your presence most strongly, where they’ll understand that love, like roots of a tree, runs deep and endures beyond the physical world.

As the days turn into years, I’ll watch them grow, each milestone a bittersweet reminder of what could have been. But I’ll hold onto the promise I made to you—the promise that they will know you, truly know you. Through my eyes, through my stories, through the love that still burns bright in my heart, they will know you. In their laughter, I’ll hear echoes of yours. In their kindness, I’ll see reflections of your heart. And in their lives, I’ll witness the continuation of the legacy you left behind.

So rest easy, my love, knowing that you will not be forgotten. They will grow up with a sense of who you were, of the love you had for them, and of the joy you would have brought into their lives. And though you may not be here to share these moments with them, I will ensure that your spirit is ever-present, a guiding light that will shine in their lives for all the years to come.

Loving and missing you still,

Your Pride and Joy