An Expat's Life: After 30 Years Abroad, Where is Home?

I recently made a trip back to the Philippines for my 40th High School reunion. Needless to say, I was filled with both anticipation and apprehension about what to expect. It’s been 30 years since I left. In those years, there was never a right time to visit – kids were too young; we had jobs we couldn’t be away from; also, both our immediate families were all in the States and Canada so there was no compelling reason to go back. Now widowed, retired and with grown kids, I really had nothing to keep me from making this trip. So I brought my children with me, fully convinced that it was time for them to get to know the other half of their heritage.

I came to America in 1988 when I married Tim. In those 30 years, I embarked on a career; established a new home; raised a family; and created a new support system of family and friends. All these, while I navigated and acclimated to a new culture. I was blessed with an excellent Catholic education from kindergarten through college that taught me English very well, for which I am grateful. It was one less thing to learn and it put me ahead of my game.

I always spoke of the Philippines as “back home” and not without pangs of homesickness and longing for all that was familiar to me then. At my naturalization ceremony many, many years ago, I cried when I said my Oath of Allegiance to the United States. How could I pledge my loyalty to a country with which I was just getting acquainted and renounce the land of my birth, and the home of my people? It was unthinkable but, like any other species, I had to adapt or die. Fast forward to 2019 and I find myself now assimilated and a full-fledged American citizen. The United States of America has been my physical home for more years than those I spent in the Philippines.

Touchdown Manila!

As soon as we got out of the airport, the humidity, the crowds, and the familiar chatter around me told me I was home. Yet, I felt a strange sense of alienation. This wasn’t exactly the kind of homecoming I fantasized about in my mind. I thought that I could just pick up where I left off. But things barely looked familiar. The landmarks that I knew were gone and replaced by skyscrapers and humongous malls. Those that remained were old and decrepit, and not as I remembered them. It took me a few days to process this strange detachment. Apparently, there is a name for it – reverse culture shock.

Reverse Culture Shock

Reverse culture shock is also called re-entry shock. Here I was feeling so disoriented, asking myself if I was foreign or native. Was I coming home or was I a tourist like my children just visiting a new country? I was aware that I had gone through culture shock before when I moved to America but I was going through it again, this time, trying to re-acclimate to what should have been familiar. I felt like a square peg going into a round slot. I wasn’t sure anymore whether the Philippines was really still “home” to me.

It’s All Good

Realizing I only had a limited time, I decided to just go with the flow, embrace and soak in everything, both the new and the familiar. Even in the midst of all these changes, some things remained the same – the bond I shared with family; the friendships that have withstood the test of time; the well-known warmth of Filipino hospitality; a rich history and culture; the bounty of fresh and delicious food; and most of all, the astounding beauty of the Philippines’ white sandy beaches, turquoise seas, emerald lakes, regal mountains, gorgeous sunsets found in its more than 7,000 islands. All these helped me transition into the familiar life that I once knew. Within days, the Philippines became my home for the here and now. I basked in the pleasure of hearing the words “Welcome Home!”

What We Enjoyed

Family and Friends - It was so gratifying to see friends and family again and catching up with our lives. I met nieces and nephews for the first time who were babies or had not been born when I left. My children discovered how many friends I had and how big my clan was with the many cousins, aunts and uncles that they met.

I was very fortunate to reconnect with my high school friends, some of whom go back with me to kindergarten or first grade. A special shout out to Stella Maris College Class of ’79! A hundred of us spent a major part of the week in Iloilo to enjoy some bonding time at the Solina Beach Resort, island hopping in the beautiful Gigantes Islands, and learning about the rich history of Iloilo City. I will always cherish the time, the never-ending laughter, dancing, and the reminiscing of our youthful escapades and indiscretions. I reveled in the friendships that never paled in the last 40 plus years.

I was also very happy to get together with my college friends which was equally fun and memorable. We tried to cram about 30 years of memories in a few hours. Somehow, it felt like no time had passed at all and we were back to our college days. While we didn’t get to see all the people and talk about everything we had hoped to, it just meant that we needed to plan a second visit.

Food, Glorious Food! – Nothing makes you feel more at home than eating the food you grew up on. We ate like kings at each meal (one feast after another) for 15 days straight and thoroughly enjoyed it. We dined on delicious fresh seafood, vegetables, and of course, lots of fruit like bananas, mangoes, pineapple, and watermelon. I even got to taste lanzones and caimito - tropical fruits that I have not eaten in 30 years. My children were very brave and open to trying out everything even though some dishes were a bit too rich for their American tummies.

Solina Beach Resort, the Gigantes Islands, and Iloilo City – We stayed at the beautiful Solina Beach Resort in Carles, Iloilo. We enjoyed their comfortable Kamalig cabins (glamping accommodations), the delicious buffet meals, and the friendly staff who were always willing and happy to accommodate our requests. We were amazed and pleasantly surprised by the beauty of island after island as we hopped the chain of the Islas de Gigantes.

Iloilo City, fondly called The City of Love because of its geographical location in the heart of the Philippines, is home to very hospitable Filipinos otherwise known as Ilonggos. The city takes pride in its very modern and progressive infrastructures as well as its rich and well-preserved historical places marked by strong Chinese and Spanish influences.

Shopping –   Manila has malls every so many miles and they all carried upmarket American, European, and Asian brands that we see here in the States. You name it, they have it. With the exchange rate at P52 to US$1, Manila is a veritable shopaholic’s paradise. We opted for the fun Greenhills Tiangge or flea market where one could get great deals on souvenirs, food, clothes, knock off designer purses, and anything under the sun.

Aruga Serviced Apartments at Rockwell – Arriving back in Manila from Iloilo at midnight, we were delighted by our beautiful and tastefully designed apartment.  It came complete with a living room, dining room,  kitchen, laundry room, two bedrooms and three bathrooms. Customer service by staff at the front desk, housekeeping and concierge was outstanding. The location is very near PowerPlant Mall and several restaurants. I really appreciated the safe and convenient underground tunnel that led directly to PowerPlant Mall. We will definitely stay here again.

What We Did Not Enjoy

Traffic!  - Traffic was both amazing and annoying. It was always a gridlock any time of day. I will never understand why people do not stay in their lanes. I will never get used to being on the road two hours before my appointment to travel four miles just to get there on time. And the motorcycles? Don’t even get me started. But even though it looked like it was a case of every man for himself, they seemed to have a secret code to let the other guy know they were coming through. They may get within an inch of the next car but I never saw any accidents happen. That is called defensive driving in action.

My Take Away from this Visit

I was glad I finally took the opportunity to visit the Philippines. My children came without expectations and left enjoying the Philippines immensely and expressing their desire to go back.

The experience made me question how much I had changed while living abroad especially with how I behaved and perceived things. It also made me realize how many things I had taken for granted in the States like wide roads and freeways, orderly and moving traffic, people getting in line, and green spaces in which to gather and to enjoy nature.

The “American” in me did things like offered a handshake at Mass to say ‘peace be with you;’ did small talk at the cash register and thanked staff by their first names; or smiled at a stranger and said good morning or hey, how’s it going? I also spoke English with a noticeable accent unlike the Taglish (Tagalog-English) that was locally spoken. Those were met with knowing smiles to let me know that they knew that I was “Not from here.”

I now realize that though it feels a little strange, being an expat is not at all a bad thing. It is like having two identities that allow me to think and behave in ways that are dependent on where I currently am.

So I come back to my initial question, Where is Home? Some will say home is where the heart is. Your home will always be the place for which you feel the deepest affection, no matter where you are.

Then I would say I have two homes. The truth is, I get to enjoy the best of both worlds. Physically, the Philippines isn’t home anymore. But while I’m abroad, I will always miss some things about it – my precious experiences and the friends I’ve made. At the same token, as I ended my visit, I looked forward to going back to my home in Phoenix and to the rhythm of my life in America.  I am fortunate to call two countries “home.” I love them both for how they have shaped me. On their own, they don’t tell the whole story of who I am, where I’ve come from or what I’ve been through. I will always have pangs of nostalgia for both when I am away from them. But I know that both will always be there, waiting for me.

Upon returning to American soil, I felt just as gratified to be greeted by another set of friends and family with “Welcome Home!”

So, what about you? Do you know where home is?

Some photos courtesy of my classmates and dear friends, Erlinda Arreola and Susie Masilungan Anthony.